Here are some tips:

• Start a conversation by asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions…
  • cannot be answered “yes” or “no”
  • allow your child to give spontaneous and honest answers—she should tell her story in her own words
  • usually begin with:
    • “Tell me about…”
    • “Describe…”
    • “To what extent…”
    • “What was that like?”
    • “Help me understand…”
• Affirm his worth, courage and challenges. Affirming statements show your understanding and appreciation. For example:
  • “I know how hard this is for you.”
  • “You showed a lot of courage.”
  • “You overcame a major obstacle last week.”
  • “I am so glad you are home.”
  • “You are doing great this week.”
  • “No one does this perfectly.”
  • “I am proud of you.”
  • “I love you.”

   

Remember that recovery from addiction is a long walk that is best taken in the company of loving involved families.

Men who view porn can achieve full arousal within seconds. Because of dopamine reward, sexual images and memories are given priority by the brain because, like hunger and thirst, our sex drive is key to our survival. Like important files on a computer’s hard drive, pornographic images and associated emotions are easily provoked, accessed and opened.

For teens in particular, these images literally soil their brains, corrupt their thought life and pervert their perception of women, dating and love. As a result, guys who use porn extensively may never experience the true beauty of a real girl or the joy of a real romance. They simply settle for porn.

Research reveals that teens and young adults who consume online pornography are more likely to…

• Begin sexual activity earlier than peers
• Develop appetite for more graphic and deviant types of pornography
• Incur persistent emotional problems such as depression, shame and remorse
• Believe that the most gratifying sexual satisfaction is attainable without love or true affection
• Believe that being married or having a family are undesirable
• Develop sexual compulsions and addictive behaviors
• Believe that deviant sexual practices such as group sex and sadomasochism are common and normal.

Pornography promises much but delivers only lust and temporary gratification. It darkens the heart and degrades the soul. The more one uses porn the greater the chance that they will never find true intimacy or real love. If you need help– get it now, because this problem thrives in secrecy. Talk with a trusted friend, parent, clergy member, or addiction counselor. Your life or your son’s life is too valuable to waste it on porn.

Is it possible to stay ahead of trends youth today are facing, or are we always going to be on the backside of them? I grew up for many years in Hawaii and California. My father was from Hawaii and loved the ocean, so he naturally taught me how to boogey board, body surf, and as I got older, I learned how to surf.

When you catch a wave, you feel just a taste of the power of the ocean, but the thing about surfing is that when the wave is coming, you have to swim as hard as you can just to be able to ride it for a period of time. And the reality is, the energy of the wave will move ahead of you if you don’t paddle fast enough.

What is the point of that story other than some endless summer flashback? We will never be ahead of all the trends; however, we can pay attention in order to quickly know and identify what new trends are emerging.

Specifically, we want to equip you on this blog and through the resources we offer at Paul Anderson Ministries to recognize patterns, so that you might anticipate what your child will be facing next in our culture. As parents, we must pay attention to what is shaping and affecting our children. By being aware, we can anticipate what our children will be facing next.

The first thing to do is pray. In the interim, notify the authorities. It is important that you do not “rescue” him/her from the consequences of his actions. His/her leaving is his/her ultimate act of rebellion by defiantly refusing to submit to your authority. However, this may well be the turning point that eventually brings restoration to your family. Let us share one young man’s story.

This young man’s mother and father were good, well-meaning people, but they did not know how to handle him when he became a teenager. He left home at age 16, determined to live on his own and get away from anybody telling him what to do. Basically, he slept on the side of the road, and to hear him tell it, “It was okay. You’d be surprised at the places you can sleep if you drink enough.” His life continued its downward spiral, as he stole for food. He explained, “Of course, I could have afforded food if I had quit buying dope with my money, but I didn’t want to do that. The only joy I had was being high.” Over the next two years, he was arrested eight times…for either DUIs or burglary. Once, he was placed in a prison cell with a sex offender. That experience frightened him so much that it played a significant part in his rehabilitation.

Although it is hard, be patient, your child will eventually hit bottom, and it is at this point that you will be able to help. While that does not immediately resolve the situation and may not provide comfort while you are hurting, pray that when the time comes, you will be able to find the appropriate place for him/her outside of the home. Like the young man above, it took time, but eventually, an opportunity came. Be prepared for his/her call or return to you.

I have a child who is angry.

One of the greatest responsibilities parents have is to consistently discipline in order to drive foolish behaviors such as anger out of a child. This is not an easy task, because, according to Proverbs 22:15, the heart of a child is bound up in foolish behavior.

In 1999, when the Columbine massacre occurred, although horrific, it should not have taken us by surprise: a caldron of rage has been built within America’s teens and continues to grow more volatile with each passing year. America is reaping decades of parents ignoring our parental responsibilities.

For many of our young men at the Paul Anderson Youth Home (PAYH), anger is an understandable emotion, though the eruption of that anger is inappropriate. The reason for the anger must be resolved!

There is an internal barometer that registers deep inside a person when his/her most basic needs are not met. When these needs are not met, the person cries out with inner pain…anger…at what should have been his/hers. As that barometer rises year after year, the result is a volcano of emotion known as rage.   

One of our biggest challenges at the PAYH is to help our young men understand that this inner need is very legitimate. God placed it there. Along with that recognition, however, comes the responsibility for him/her to find more healthy ways to express that anger. We teach our family members that no one in this life truly gets all his/her needs met, because we are all basically sinful people who fail every day to meet the needs of those around us. We also teach them not to look at themselves as life’s victims and wallow in self-pity, but rather forgive others who have not met their needs. Whatever the circumstances, we must learn to walk through them with determination and an attitude of never giving up.

From around the sphere:

Parenting Troubled Teens: Self-Control

Sue Scheff: Parenting – Defiant Teens? Disrespectful Teens? Angry …