• Frequent use of the Internet to visit sexually oriented sites
• Binging—hours spent surfing the net or engaged in online sexual activity
• Preoccupied with thoughts of “getting online”, or of sexual behavior
• Sexual behavior interferes with work, school, family, hobbies, etc…
• Anxiety and irritability when unable to get online.
• Telling your self that you should cut down, or stop altogether
• Experiencing guilt, remorse and shame
• Become defensive when others suggest that you spend too much time on the Internet
• Spending money on internet porn
• Continued consumption of porn despite negative consequences

Pornography is not real. The more one uses porn to gratify themselves, the greater the chance that they will never find true intimacy and real love.

If you need help talk with a trusted friend, parent, or clergy. You cannot do it alone.

Your first time was meant to be special with someone you love. If you are a virgin, don’t settle for sex when you really want love. If you have already had sex and regret it. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t add to your regret by continuing to drink and hook up. You are worth more than that.

“I used to think it was cool to be a party girl, drink and hook up with cute guys–but what I really want is for someone to want to spend time with me and try to get to know me. After the sex, the guys are never interested in anything else—-its so depressing.”
–Tanya, age 16

The truth is–the party girl, hook-up thing doesn’t work. Instead of the fun and liberation it promises, it delivers disease, heartbreak, shame and despair. Yet Hollywood and the star crazed media hold up the reckless and vacant lives of celebrities like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan as if they are doing something important.

Do Hollywood values actually work in real life for real girls? No way, but that hasn’t deterred the message from influencing the beliefs and behavior of millions of young girls who are buying the lie that everyone is getting drunk and “hooking up” and that sexual freedom somehow empowers and liberates. Here are the facts.

First of all most (54%) high school kids have never had sexual intercourse. Of the 46% that have had sex, only 37% are currently sexually active and the remaining 63% regret having sex. So if Hollywood is merely “reflecting the values” of the culture, then where are the television shows, movies, or celebrities that “reflects” this reality and elevates virginity, sexual restraint and self control? Second, if hooking-up were actually liberating then sexually active girls would be happier and more fulfilled than non-sexually active girls. Right? Wrong. Sexually active girls are approximately three times more likely to become depressed and attempt suicide than non-sexually active girls. Is this liberating?

Why does having sex leave so many girls feeling depressed? In short, the human heart was not designed for numerous, loveless, sexual encounters so It is no coincidence that over 70 percent of girls report that they were drunk or high the first time they had sex. This is not how most girls dreamed about their first time.

Although Hollywood and the popular culture portray sex as “no big deal”—it is a big deal. In truth, most girls want to be loved in the purest sense. They hope against hope that one day they will meet a guy who wants know their heart and mind, who sees their true beauty and pursues them for who they are and not just for sexual gratification.

An ancient proverb says. “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” How true…

God made us sexual beings, and He created the sexual appetite, through the senses of the body and the imagination of the mind, to be extremely powerful and very pleasing. Consequently, its God shaped boundaries and confinements are necessary to its beauty, enjoyment, and benefit. The sexual trends today are much like a flood overflowing the banks, creating a raging and damaging torrent of emotions, passions, and broken relationships: all with tragic results. The temptations proliferating in our culture, unchecked by the erosion of past societal restraints, are overwhelming for this generation’s teenagers. They need protection more than ever. The culture will never provide it — parents who love their children must.

One could normally say that this stage of life kicks in at puberty. Tragically, however, pedophilia and child abuse introduces this to children in such an evil manner that it can damage their psychological, as well as physical being, for their entire lives. Even a “strong” marriage will be affected by sexual abuse that took place years before when one was a child. Time by itself cannot heal all wounds! But God’s grace can.

With the bad example of some adults, the pressure from peers, the availability of pornography through every conceivable means; the style of dress (or undress), music, attacks on modesty, the educational system, from every direction and every conceivable angle, teens are bombarded with the lie that unbridled sex is something they must experience, or they do not know what it is to “live.” “Experts” whose own children are an example of their lack of expertise, will tell you sexual experimentation outside the boundaries of God’s design is inevitable, so society should accept it and make promiscuity as palatable as possible. Consequently, they push earlier and earlier sex education, how to do it heterosexually and homosexually (either is acceptable), distribution of condoms and birth control, subsidizing abortion, and changing the laws that in the past have protected children. All of this is taking place within our society today.  

It is nearly impossible to live in this world and fully escape the sexual onslaught from every corner: popular television programs, movies, music, language, etc. and the easy availability of it through computers, cell phones, radio, television, magazines, and books. Furthermore, public knowledge of adult activity by prominent people has created an acceptance of a variety of sexual activities outside of marriage as moral. Protecting our children from this onslaught is not an impossible task, but neither is it an easy one. Just as you are vigilant for their safety from physical danger or violence, parents must be vigilant for their sexual purity. However, in this battle, you must never forget, or you can become discouraged too easily: He who is in you and in your children is stronger than he who is in the world. The enemy with all his cohorts and in all his disguises looks most formidable and often undefeatable when we consider the reality of our 21st Century battlefield. But be assured, our God is able to deliver us AND our children from every temptation and every situation. Your VIGILANT faith is required, because your enemy is like a prowling lion hungry to devour his prey. From the moment of your children’s birth, he has his eyes on your children. But then, so does your Heavenly Father.

Never give in to the enemy’s constant “dart” that this is a lost battle. Jesus prayed for His disciples not to be taken out of the world, but to be protected from the evil one while living in the world, and bringing the good news to it. It is possible for our teenagers to live in the world and yet be protected from slavery to sin and the father of lies. God has intended for parents to be the spearhead of their children’s protection. Your example of sexual purity within the confines of your “one flesh relationship” of marriage is the first step in protecting them. It is critical if you are going to lead the fight for your children. If you desire to successfully teach them to be vigilant in guarding their sexual being, their body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, from Satan’s effort to destroy them through sexual immorality, you need to teach them by example as well as instruction. You also need to remember your own experience as a young person: your feelings, your appetite, your urges, your temptations, and your places of safety, so that you can honestly and empathetically communicate with your teen.

At the appropriate times in their lives, you need to be frank in talking with your child and teenager about sex, explaining the truth of God’s words on this matter, and the grave dangers they face if they indulge in the temptations that come their way. What their eyes see, what their senses feel, what peer pressure brings, can send them on a roller coaster whose brakes when weakened provide little or no control over what is set in motion. You need to empathize with your growing child’s predicament as a sexual being who does not yet have wisdom, maturity, or years of experience to appreciate the grave seriousness and consequences of experimenting sexually outside the covenant of marriage. Along with your empathy and compassion, you must communicate with tough love the absolute necessity for you, the parent(s) to be very involved with their protection: what they see and hear, who they spend time with and where they go. No one else will do it for you. It is the parent(s) who bears ultimate responsibility before God. There is potential assistance from the church, from other family, or even adult friends who are on the same page with you; but YOU are the main line of defense. Shirking your duty, puts your child’s life in grave jeopardy.

Consult the pamphlet available through our website entitled: “How Can I Best Pray for My Child?” and then practice putting on the armor of God (Ephesians 6). With your children and teenagers, discuss how you can in practically put that armor on in the face of all sexual temptations.