Our text tells us the environment in which we live and work and play is no less deadly than the Viet Nam jungles, or any other field of physical battle. There are no frontlines and the enemy surrounds us, as it were, in civilian clothes; shrewdly masquerading as angels of light. The intensity and energy of vigilance and alertness is required far more to overcome this unwearied enemy. The Christian’s greatest protection is God Himself; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But He has provided means for you to wrap yourself in His grace; namely, undiminished prayer, Bible study and meditation; the Sacraments: improving your baptism and feeding on the real presence of Christ in the Supper; and hearing the Word preached, repenting, and obeying. But God has also given you your fellow believers as a means of protection against Satan and his fallen angels.

The writer of Hebrews wrote: “And let us consider how we may spur each other on to love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as we see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)There is the strongest implication that the enemy’s attacks will increase in intensity as the Day of the Lord’s return draws closer. I believe the focus of the proper application of this instruction is the more intimate, accountable relationship of one or a few fellow believers rather than the relative anonymity and distance permitted in the larger crowd that constitutes the church.  Peter spoke in the same chapter as the above verses of his close relationship with fellow elders and particularly with Silas and Mark (see vs. 1, 12, 13); Paul at the end of his epistles always made mention of the few who stood closely by him in the faith and in his work. Jesus gathered 12 around him for a more intensive relationship than with the crowds who constantly sought him out.

James tells us we are to have a relationship with some believers in which we confess our sins to one another; a relationship where you have the confidence to ask the right questions and in turn give forthright, non-glossed-over answers. Our text tells us that the biggest obstacle in calling on a few to draw near to is our own pride. It is precisely why humility is a necessity to a successful defense against the lion that stalks you. Peter reminds us, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble!” Close, honest, accountable relationships require humility, which produces a heart in which there is no guile. Truth dies in the face of pride, but flourishes in the heart of humility. Our spouses ought to be our greatest human confidant and fellow warrior in this fight, but there is increased strength in one, two or three others of your gender to encourage you in the battle. It is worth your earnest prayer and search that God would bless you with such fellow warriors.

Is marriage passé?  In a January 14, 2011 article Natalie Portman, unusually successful as both a child and adult actress, revealed her latest view on marriage. Apparently, many young women are taking her advice. Portman told a reporter that the reason she was drawn to her latest movie, “No Strings Attached,” was because the main character whom she plays “was simply seeking a no-romance bed buddy as opposed to the whole nine yards.” Portman said, “Emma (the main character) wants a relationship without the relationship. She just wants the sex. It’s unusual but funny. I love romantic comedies, but I’m tired of seeing girls who want to get married all the time and that’s all they’re interested in. I think there is a wider vision of how women can conduct their lives and what they want.” Normally, I wouldn’t give a plug nickel for views on the institution of marriage from “experts” like Natalie Portman. The problem is she is a “role model” for many young girls and women who think emulating her will lead to happiness. The rapidly rising rate of suicide among teenage girls, the increasing failure of married and unmarried relationships, and an epidemic of emotionally scarred and broken people seems to point to a paucity of happiness in spite of piles of propaganda to the contrary.

It is worth noting that Portman displayed some values in her earlier acting career refusing to play parts where nudity or sex was expected, and turned down acting in films like Lolita, denouncing sex between young girls and adult men. Apparently, her life in acting has had an eroding influence on her once-held values. The Scripture verses above seem very passé, even glaringly offensive in present culture; a culture that has invaded even the church. Most turn a blind eye in this day and age to young people living together in the days, months, and years before marriage, and many more who never bother to “get to the altar.”

Is marriage passé today? Does it have any value in a “modern” world? Or is God just the Grinch who stole Christmas in commanding that a man and a woman reserve sexual relations for marriage, and ought to honor the marriage bed by being faithful to one another? The prevalent spin of the world and its puffed-up “wisdom” says God is hopelessly wrong. The blatant evidence of the wounded society in which we live and the scattered carcasses of individual lives, shattered relationships, and damaged children says He is right. It is not that God is throwing cold water on “fun,” His purpose is to save what is lost; to heal and restore what is being destroyed; to inculcate what alone will result in happiness that lasts.  Portman will live to rue the day she said, “I think you can find both men and women that are into non-emotional relationships, because you get hurt, and you don’t want to invest emotions in that way again”; especially the day she is in love herself (emotionally, passionately; Is there any other kind?) and someone stomps on her heart because they now want an un-emotional relationship with her. Natalie, your philosophy simply doesn’t hold water and is not worth a cup of warm spit.

Marriage will never be passé for those who not only believe God, but discover the joy of walking in His commands. The individual glory of a man or a woman whom God calls into the covenant of marriage is discovered in the intimate happiness of that union and in bringing forth godly children. This is exactly what God declares in Malachi 2 and in many other passages of the Bible. Say what you will till the cows come home, His way produces gold and silver; Natalie Portman’s, filthy rags.

The following was on the marquee at a local theater:

Heath Ledger in
I’m not there

As I looked at this every day on my way to and from work, the sadness of that title was profound.  And though, not trying to draw too many conclusions or metaphors from the title, I could not help but think how in many ways, that when we are at home with our spouses and our children, often we are there in body, but not really there in mind.

I hear parents ask the same question: “when my son/daughter is home, it seems like he or she is not really there.” Or “all my son wants to do is sit in his room and play videogames.  He seems withdrawn and distant.” What those parents seem to be saying is that they are with us in body, but are not really there in mind.  While it is easy to ask that question aloud concerning our children, I wonder how true it is for us as not only spouses, but also as parents.

How do we anchor our children to reality and to us as parents, when so often we are disengaged ourselves?

We live in a self-created fiction yet cannot ignore reality even in our fiction.  That is a pretty deep way to start to answer the question, but it is true…we create our own sense of reality.  Our children merely emulate our behavior.  This virtual world that we see in the internet, 500 different cable channels, thousands of movies, an author on every corner, text messaging, living life on phones did not create itself.  We have created a world, a fiction that surrounds the universe of me.  As parents, we have passed that on to our children and given them new tools and a faster way of doing it.

But how real is that fiction?  And what is the problem with doing it anyway?  Everyone likes to escape reality from time to time don’t they?  I know I do.

For me, I use entertainment as a way to escape reality.  Often it is a book, a movie, or even a television show.  Lately, the internet has been a way for me to explore my interests….a virtual library at my fingertips.  Is there really anything wrong with me doing this?

There is when I begin to live in my own fiction.  The fiction that tells me I am the only one who matters: the only one I need to worry about pleasing.  In the words of Terrell Owens; “I love me some me,” and that is the crux of the problem.  We are generally so enamored with ourselves that we really are not there.  “There,” is the reality of life.  “There,” is the place most often we are trying to escape.  We often have trouble anchoring ourselves as parents and our children to the reality of life.  Life exists on the other side of fiction.

What does that mean?  Heath Ledger, truly, is no longer here, and that is the reality of life.  He was trying to escape from his own reality with no knowledge of the consequences that would come.  Drugs for so many people are an escape, yet they are perilously used to seemingly add color to a life that seems dull…black and white.

Life is fleeting and it goes all too quickly.  Yet given the speed of life, how do we establish a sense of permanence in our children?  How do we anchor them to the reality of life and the permanence of hope?

Certainly it seems that anchoring our children and ourselves to reality is a challenging task.  Life, in many ways, seems odder than fiction.  A newspaper on any given day can make that point for us, but a recent article suffices.  According to the Australian newspaper, The Telegraph, “suicidal pets are getting anti-depressants, particularly tropical birds such as parrots which seem to have been the most affected by depression.”

The news and the advances of technology on any given day make it seem as if reality is a moving target and challenging at best.  From birds taking Prozac to robots that are being developed so we can have virtually interactive sex, it would appear that reality changes with each generation.

However, in a shifting culture, there are principles that we as parents need to embrace so to anchor our children and ourselves to reality.

• Reality is not relative nor, is truth.  If reality and truth were relative, then no one would ever be wrong.
• Truth does exist.  O.J. Simpson either did or did not kill his wife.  The fact that you or I do not know the answer does not mean that an answer does not exist.
• In the words of Dr. Samuel Johnson: “The fact that there is such a thing as twilight does not mean that we cannot distinguish between night and day.”
• We cannot merely live virtually, apart from others.  E-mail, voice mail, and the phone, are all ways that we now seek to live our lives without interacting with others.  The virtual touch has become easier than the personal touch.   We however, are built to be in relationship.  Virtual interaction, will never be as good nor as challenging, as the real thing.
• We all need down time.  We all need to relax.  Weariness is not an excuse to entertain ourselves into isolation.

Technology and culture will change.  The movement of society is not an excuse to let ourselves and our children be absent in our own homes.  Weariness is not an excuse to let our children retire to their rooms, live virtually on the phone or internet, watch their TV, apart from us.  We allow them to do those things because it is easier.  It allows us to live our own lives, while ignoring theirs.  But it is not reality.  We as parents need to guard ourselves from escaping reality.  In doing this, we can prevent our children from escaping into their own fiction.

The other side of fiction is reality.  It is a world we all live in, and we are not alone in it.

Public health officials from San Francisco are considering such a measure because they hope a “shooting gallery” will reduce the high number of fatal drug overdoses in the area. Bertha Madras, Deputy Director of Demand Reduction for the Office of National Drug Control Policy said this about the potential new facility: “This is a form of giving up.” [2]

Whether the “shooting gallery” has merit in addressing these health and crime issues is not the point. At the end of the day, having to answer the problem of drug abuse with a “shooting gallery” is reactionary. In other words, the problem has become so complicated we now deal with the leaf on the tree, not the root of the problem.

It is the philosophy of “It’s Going to Happen Anyway” that seems more often than not, to be taking over our approach to social and parenting ills. The logic behind this philosophy is astounding, but it pervades society, nonetheless. In the face of what is seemingly an overwhelming problem, we prefer to just concede the ground, shrugging our shoulders not knowing what else to do.

A component of philosophy is focused on answering the questions of how we should live. A method of approaching the problem of, “it’s going to happen anyway” is like the tail wagging the dog. We merely give up and quit. Isn’t that what we naturally want to do when problems or challenges get too hard?

This past summer I participated in a 1/2 Ironman which consisted of a 1.2 mile swim followed by a 56 mile bike ride, and concluded with a 13.1 mile run. The thoughts running through my mind within the first 300 yards of the swim were: “What am I doing? I have got to be nuts! Let’s just shut this down and stop.” The only way I could overcame these thoughts was to set reasonably easy goals. After reaching these smaller goals, I gained confidence and settled in for a long, challenging, but rewarding day. In doing this, I forced myself to address the root of the problem. If I had spent all of my time fixing superficial issues (like people swimming on top of me), I would have flailed around making little progress at all. Most of my energy would have been spent avoiding the core issue which was being afraid. Once I dealt with my fear, the other concerns were easier to tackle.

The same philosophy that San Francisco is considering by having a “shooting gallery,” is promoted regarding sex: abstinence will not work so we are better off educating about all kinds of sex. In others words, sex is going to happen anyway. Working with teenagers, I am not so naïve to think that telling teenagers to abstain is going to solve the problem. On the other hand, only teaching youth about condoms because it “is going to happen anyway” is equally as naïve.

Has this philosophy trumped a reasonable way of thinking? Have the problems grown so large, that we no longer know where to tackle them and are instead reacting? The answer, unfortunately, is yes.

Without dealing with the root of the problem, it will invariably grow and become complicated. The issues facing society and teens today are challenging, complex, and difficult to navigate. Shrugging our shoulders doesn’t make it any easier for this generation or the next. With a simple shrug, comes the momentum of compromise.

As parents, we must acknowledge the complexity of the issue in the world and deal with the root of the problem in our children. Railing against society doesn’t move the mountain and shrugging our shoulders only causes us to slide further down the hill. Teaching our children how to face the challenges in this ever-changing landscape is where we have to start because if we don’t teach them someone else will. This problem is not going to go away on its own.

Sexuality and the act of sex is a beautiful thing designed by the God who “knit us together in our mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139) But like all beautiful things God designed for us, they are beautiful in the form and shape, boundaries and plans of the author and creator. Just as a sculptor’s handiwork is fashioned from clumps of clay or marble chiseled from unformed matter, when the sculpture’s artistic shape and the boundaries that define its beauty is destroyed, the wonder and magnificence is gone. Or just as a river or stream is delightful and refreshing within its contoured banks, when the flood waters overflow those banks, the result is devastatingly destructive.

God made us sexual beings, and He created the sexual appetite, through the senses of the body and the imagination of the mind, to be extremely powerful and very pleasing. Consequently, its God shaped boundaries and confinements are necessary to its beauty, enjoyment, and benefit. The sexual trends today are much like a flood overflowing the banks, creating a raging and damaging torrent of emotions, passions, and broken relationships: all with tragic results. The temptations proliferating in our culture, unchecked by the erosion of past societal restraints, are overwhelming for this generation’s teenagers. They need protection more than ever. The culture will never provide it. Parents who love their children must.

One could normally say that this stage of life kicks in at puberty. Tragically, however, pedophilia and child abuse introduces this to children in such an evil manner that it can damage their psychological, as well as physical being, for their entire lives. Even a “strong” marriage will be affected by sexual abuse that took place years before when one was a child. Time by itself cannot heal all wounds! But God’s grace can.

With the bad example of some adults, the pressure from peers, the availability of pornography through every conceivable means; the style of dress (or undress), music, attacks on modesty, the educational system, from every direction and every conceivable angle, teens are bombarded with the lie that unbridled sex is something they must experience, or they do not know what it is to “live.” “Experts” whose own children are an example of their lack of expertise, will tell you sexual experimentation outside the boundaries of God’s design is inevitable, so society should accept it and make promiscuity as palatable as possible. Consequently, they push earlier and earlier sex education, how to do it heterosexually and homosexually (either is acceptable), distribution of condoms and birth control, subsidizing abortion, and changing the laws that in the past have protected children. All of this is taking place within our society today.

It is nearly impossible to live in this world and fully escape the sexual onslaught from every corner: popular television programs, movies, music, language, etc. and the easy availability of it through computers, cell phones, radio, television, magazines, and books. Furthermore, public knowledge of adult activity by prominent people has created an acceptance of a variety of sexual activities outside of marriage as moral. Protecting our children from this onslaught is not an impossible task, but neither is it an easy one. Just as you are vigilant for their safety from physical danger or violence, parents must be vigilant for their sexual purity. However, in this battle, you must never forget, or you can become discouraged too easily:  He who is in you and in your children is stronger than he who is in the world. The enemy with all his cohorts and in all his disguises looks most formidable and often undefeatable when we consider the reality of our 21st Century battlefield. But be assured, our God is able to deliver us AND our children from every temptation and every situation. Your VIGILANT faith is required, because your enemy is like a prowling lion hungry to devour his prey. From the moment of your children’s birth, he has his eyes on your children. But then, so does your Heavenly Father.

Never give in to the enemy’s constant “dart” that this is a lost battle. Jesus prayed for His disciples not to be taken out of the world, but to be protected from the evil one while living in the world, and bringing the good news to it. It is possible for our teenagers to live in the world and yet be protected from slavery to sin and the father of lies. God has intended for parents to be the spearhead of their children’s protection. Your example of sexual purity within the confines of your “one flesh relationship” of marriage is the first step in protecting them. It is critical if you are going to lead the fight for your children. If you desire to successfully teach them to be vigilant in guarding their sexual being, their body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, from Satan’s effort to destroy them through sexual immorality, you need to teach them by example as well as instruction. You also need to remember your own experience as a young person: your feelings, your appetite, your urges, your temptations, and your places of safety, so that you can honestly and empathetically communicate with your teen.

At the appropriate times in their lives, you need to be frank in talking with your child and teenager about sex, explaining the truth of God’s words on this matter, and the grave dangers they face if they indulge in the temptations that come their way. What their eyes see, what their senses feel, what peer pressure brings, can send them on a roller coaster whose brakes when weakened provide little or no control over what is set in motion. You need to empathize with your growing child’s predicament as a sexual being who does not yet have wisdom, maturity, or years of experience to appreciate the grave seriousness and consequences of experimenting sexually outside the covenant of marriage. Along with your empathy and compassion, you must communicate with tough love the absolute necessity for you, the parent(s) to be very involved with their protection: what they see and hear, who they spend time with and where they go.  No one else will do it for you. It is the parent(s) who bears ultimate responsibility before God. There is potential assistance from the church, from other family, or even adult friends who are on the same page with you; but YOU are the main line of defense. Shirking your duty, puts your child’s life in grave jeopardy.

Consult the pamphlet available through our website entitled: “How Can I Best Pray for My Child?” and then practice putting on the armor of God (Ephesians 6). With your children and teenagers, discuss how you can in practically put that armor on in the face of all sexual temptations.

This article is an excerpt
from our Dangerous Trends
parenting resource.
Order your copy now »

I recently watched my two children play a game in our driveway called “cross the street.” Other than the squirrels, my driveway is not a particularly busy place, but, in their imaginary world, it must have seemed real.  My oldest child, who is six, was telling my youngest, who is two, how you safely cross the street.  As he gave instructions, his effort to teach my daughter, while precious, needed some guidance.  Looking twice to the left and not to the right was not quite all the information she would need.  As I watched my son play the role of the teacher, the “crossing the street” game gave a perfect picture of why it is so important for parents to recognize the role they have as teachers.

Too often we see stories in the media of adults who have neglected their children, or have looked on, and in some cases helped their children and their friends get drunk, high, and have sex.  We also hear stories about teachers in the classroom who engage in inappropriate relationships with their students.  The question that comes to mind is: who is teaching who?  At times, it appears that the youth are teaching adults what is “acceptable” or the “norm.”  Adults seem more concerned about “fitting in,” being “liked,” or “one of the crowd.”  More often than we would like to see, parents are not acting like adults, much less parents.

This past spring, because of Alec Baldwin’s celebrity status, we were exposed to his tirade directed at his 11-year old daughter.  In the voice mail he left for her, he not only cursed her but also told her how she had humiliated him for the last time.  In his anger, he talked to her as if they were the same age.  Lindsay Lohan told her father to stay away from her family.  Paris Hilton’s family recently pleaded that their daughter did not deserve to go to jail.  Does Britney Spears recognize the impact her actions have on her young sons?  Actions and reactions from the world of celebrities have inundated classrooms as well as our living rooms.

Are we forgetting how to teach our children to look both ways before they cross the street?  Do we as parents recognize that our actions, words, and responses are teaching and shaping our children?  What are you teaching your children everyday?  Do you recognize what the internet, music, television, friends, teachers, and other adults may be teaching them?  Do you take the time to watch, hear, and observe the internet, music, television, friends, teachers, and other adults?

As parents, we must be good teachers taking time to listen, engage, and challenge our “students.” Remember your favorite teachers when you were growing up?  What was it about them that you liked?  In many ways, parenting gives you an opportunity to emulate your favorite teachers.  They may have been your parents, a 10th grade history teacher, a best friend, or your spouse.  Whoever they were, they made an indelible impression on you.  This is what you as a parent must do with your children.  You must make a significant investment in the “education” of your children; otherwise, it will be the culture that invariably shapes them.  It is a challenge: it is time consuming: it requires you to do homework often when you least want to do it.  But, it is the greatest investment of your life.  If you don’t, how else will they know not to just look one way before crossing the street?

From piercing and tattoos, body art/modification, how we wear our clothes, or the language that we use, what is becoming prevalent in our current culture is that what we decorate our bodies with and how we talk to each other now is a statement of who we are.  So given that fashion and language are an expression of “who we are,” there is always a new trend to follow. But does expressing ourselves in these ways really make us unique?

What does make us unique? Certainly, we all want to be individuals, we are, after all, each different. The world would be a very dull and ordinary place if we were all the same. But is how we dress, what we do to our bodies, and how we talk, really make us who we are? Is this what makes us unique? A simple cliche comes to mind: “you are what you eat.” Does that mean I am piece of broccoli if that’s what I eat or does it mean I merely like broccoli. The same is true for the cliche “you are what you wear.” How I talk, dress, or decorate my body does not make me unique, just as eating broccoli doesn’t make me a piece of broccoli.

In reality, our efforts to express ourselves, to be an individual are shaped more by others than we want to think. While how we talk and what we wear may in fact express something about ourselves, more often than not, it is largely influenced by what others are doing, not me being “unique.” A 10 year old girl with her belly pierced, a tight midriff shirt, and shorts that say “PINK” on the bottom is not expressing her individuality. In fact, she is conforming to what others around her are doing. In the end, the things we wear, how we talk, and now, how we decorate our bodies, things intended to make ourselves “different,” really end up making us less unique and more like what everyone else appears to be doing. As conformity reigns, we trend towards being less and less unique and so in an effort to be different, to be known, the more audacious and vulgar of this generation becomes the norm of the next.

Our sense of what is acceptable or vulgar changes over time. It also varies from culture to culture. This is certainly true in the language we use and what is considered profane. Things that are offensive now become less and less offensive over time. Think of the language that is now permitted on television. A few years ago, most cuss words were edited over. Now, words that used to be considered profane are allowed. The reason is simple, they are no longer considered culturally offensive. The standard has changed. Society has changed.

Our individuality will never be found in outward appearances. What makes us unique is the fact that we were each individually created by God, in His image. God is infinitely unique and as such, He is the ultimate trend setter. We are commanded to “be transformed into His image” not the image of current societal trends.

Trends will continue to change and there will always be people with opinions. So, encourage your children to be truly unique, not because of what they wear but because of who they are and what they do. Teach them to treat others with love and respect no matter what their appearance. Talk to your kids about their choices they are making and the reasons behind them. Show them true character through your actions. Parenting is all about setting boundaries and teaching your children to respect them. Those boundaries must be based on Biblical principles which will never change.

The release of the iPhone merely captures and brings together what the market has demanded for some time: a phone that acts just like a computer, works like an iPod, and is as portable.  But really, should we be surprised that Apple brought together what every other software and computer company has been either eyeing or working on for years?  Cell phones will function just like your PC at work or home.

And the market is huge!  Consider the cell phone market:

• The total number of mobile phone subscribers in the world is estimated at 2.7 billion.
• At the end of 2005, the total number of cell phone users in the United States was 207.9 million, and growing at 14% a year.
• Over 90 million new subscribers in the U.S. are expected in the next 4 years.

The U.S. cell phone market will be considered fully saturated by 2009.  People using their cell phones will find them easier to use and begin to expect the cellular networks to support the functions that they see in their PC.  Phones will mimic computers.  Why?  Because for companies like Apple, Microsoft, and a host of others, the cell phone market represents an opportunity.  There is an enormous demand for the product they are going to supply.

Think about what cell phones can already do.  The array of options is staggering.  You can: take and receive a picture, capture and/or view videos (iPods and MP3 players do this as well), text message, access the internet, watch TV, download a ring tone, listen to music, manage your calendar, view maps, get audio directions, receive and send e-mails.  Apple is proud to announce that their iPhone has a special YouTube player that will allow you to browse and upload videos whenever you want, wherever you are!

Great!  Or not so great?  Where do these photos and videos taken on one’s phone end up?  The internet and now your phone.  When Saddam Hussein was executed, it was a cell phone that took the video of that event.  How long did it take after he was hung to hit liveleak.com and then the news outlets…less than 45 minutes!  Camera/video phones have caused such controversy that they are being banned from certain locations because:

• In some classrooms, people have taken photos of tests, which were then e-mailed
• At some gyms, daycares, public swimming pools, and malls, candid shots have been taken and circulated for more than questionable purposes
• Courts have banned them to keep proceedings private
• Ironically, Apple banned camera phones at their shareholders’ meeting for privacy reasons

Phones are even being used to create what is called a Moblog, a combination of the word mobile and blog.  Moblogs are now a way that a user can post pictures and videos and allow others to view life through their eyes as they go about doing whatever they are doing.  In time, it will be another MySpace environment, but on phones.  In fact, it’s already here.

Telsus Canada, a wireless company is now offering pornographic downloads via phone.  That’s old news because the market was already there.  Forecasters estimate the mobile pornography market will reach 5 billion dollars worldwide by 2010.  Are we surprised?

We are now in a generation where just putting a computer in the family room to protect what your children access will not nearly be enough.  So shouldn’t parents, who are concerned about what is on the internet, also be prepared to think: what is my child doing on his cell phone?  How many cell phones do you have in your household?  1, 2, 3, 4, or more?

Recently, I was at the dentist where I was listening to several ladies talk about how technology was over their heads.  One made the comment that even her daughter’s cell phone was getting too complicated.  After listening for awhile, I asked if she knew that objectionable content could be viewed on a phone.  Her response was that ironically enough, the other day she was standing next to her daughter when a message came in with a pornographic picture.  When she asked her daughter about it, the response was that it happens from time to time, and her mother should not worry.

You can not afford to let technology be over your head or let it happen from time to time.  With the latest trends in cell phones combining voice, video, and data, this blending of information has become entertainment.  Cell phones are center-stage in the evolving trend of mobile “infotainment.”

So let’s be clear about it – the latest cell phones are not just used for talking anymore.  Don’t get trampled by what your children are doing on their cell phones!

“Bullies are no longer content to taunt their victims in the playground but are turning to cyberspace…and are using e-mail, text messaging, and social networking sites in new forms of victimization.” (1)

This article went on to discuss how young people are pressured to do things online that they would not do otherwise and are too scared to tell their parents in fear of their computer privileges being taken away.

We are now emerging into the latest version of the internet; what is called Web 2.0, and it is all about personalization, uploading your personal life, and virtual interaction.  So in a world of personalization and content being uploaded to the internet, how can we as parents become more aware for the health and safety of our children?

Online social networking sites like YouTube and MySpace have capitalized on this personally invasive trend, allowing people to establish their own online presence; to be seen, and known by others about whom they know nothing.  On the surface, some may think, what’s wrong with that?  Technology they argue is just a device that helps us communicate.  Meeting friends, journaling, posting pictures and videos; it is just a new venue in which to explore our own individual creativity and at earlier ages!

A good example of this is the adolescent site, Clubpenguin.com.  It is innocent enough, providing games and a forum for chatting, but it also fosters an early behavior of virtual interaction.  Youth today are becoming more accustomed to posting and communicating in this medium.  It is not that clubpenguin.com is dangerous; but it establishes a pattern of behavior for both the child and the parent.

Yes, these behaviors and habits are innocuous at first; but later, as they become conventionally accepted and a part of a routine method of communication, those things that children once used become boring as they grow older.  The pattern, however, remains, and so new sites and methods are found.  These days, the sites range from flickr.com, to xanga, sconex, facebook, lastnightsparty, and vimeo, along with a host of others.  The avalanche of sites allowing this generation to interact with friends and strangers has blurred relationships from what is “conventionally acceptable.”  And what is more alarming is that we are just at the advent of the internet.

We as parents must recognize how the web is evolving and becoming a place where culture is changing and eroding.  In an article in the New York Times Magazine entitled Say Anything, the author Emily Nussbaum discussed how this generation of youth is increasingly willing to reveal their private lives online.

“There’s a difference between being able to absorb embarrassment and not feeling it.  But we live in a time in which humiliation and fame are not easily distinguished quantities.  And this generation seems to have a high tolerance for what used to be personal information splashed in the public square.”(2)

Certainly you can watch the news concerning Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton and see that what was once private is now more public than ever.  Does this surprise us?  Do we as parents recognize what is happening?  Why is there such a strong appeal to “living life out loud” and for the whole world to see?

Commercials on TV drive home the point that you can be significant; you can matter; you can be known to an audience far larger than my backyard; just upload yourself.  “Celebrity status” no longer just applies to Hollywood in a virtual world of friendships and community.  We all want to matter, and in an online world an unknown person can be a “celebrity.”  American Idol and other reality programs capture this essence perfectly: we can be discovered!  In an online world our voice can be heard.  Our search for personal significance will continue to drive the direction of the internet; a desire to fill in the relational void that exists in teenagers and children today.

“So where do the young thrill-seekers go?  Increasingly, to new Web sites like Stickam.com and liveleak.com, which are building a business by going where others fear to tread: into the realm of unfiltered live broadcasts from Web cameras.” (3)

So what are we to do?  Here are some practical applications to consider:

1. Recognize that people are using the internet not only to communicate, but to fill an emptiness.
2. As regulations on popular social web sites emerge, anticipate that new sites will be created and gravitate towards the risqué, lewd, and grotesque.
3. Computer habits that form early often become behaviors that challenge parents as your children grow older.
4. Protect your family by placing a computer in a central location and look for web filtering/tracking services for individual computers.
5. Don’t be afraid, learn how to interact online.  Use technology as another way you can communicate with your child.
6. Set boundaries and enforce those standards by monitoring what they are doing.
7. Confront your children when they do not obey your standards.
8. Do not allow your children to share their passwords with friends.

Do not be merely content to say technology is over my head.  Virtual communication and socializing is going to continue to evolve and adapt.  It is an arena where parental stewardship is paramount as the stakes are too high!  Be engaged!

In last month’s newsletter, we outlined a four part series on trends and how we as parents must pay attention to what is shaping and affecting our children.  A goal of this ministry is to make parents aware of what we learn working with our young men so that we as parents and as a culture can anticipate what our children might  be facing now and in the future.  (To read last month’s article click here)

Recently, several officers from the Sheriff’s Department of a large Georgia city talked with our staff concerning the drugs they were seeing emerge on the streets.  As they spoke about what they were witnessing and how drugs were being made, I was struck by one of the officer’s comments:  “We will never be able to do anything but play catch up.  People who want to use drugs will always be ahead of us.”

What a sad commentary, but how true it is that individuals who want to get high, will make every effort to do so, often with that which is most accessible.  So what is a parent to do?  How are we to know what might emerge next or how can we protect our children?  Think how each decade has represented a new era in drugs.  In the 50’s it was alcohol, the 60’s marijuana, the 70’s psychotropic drugs like LSD and mushrooms, the 80’s cocaine and crack, the 90’s chemically made drugs like ecstasy (MDMA), and since 2000, it has been a litany of new chemically concocted drugs.  A stimulant that is making much of the news lately is Crystal Methamphetamine.  One of the officers, when talking about Crystal Meth made the comment that in the 80’s he had thought crack would be the death of this country.  Now he would say that Crystal Meth has become far worse than crack ever was.  What is even more disturbing is that people are now using fruit flavoring to entice and attract new users.

In looking back over the decades, we as parents must realize that this trend is a natural progression. The economic concept of supply and demand does an effective job of teaching us what we should expect would happen.  Think of it this way:

• There is a demand/desire to get high for the following reasons:
  • Trying something new
  • Experiencing peer pressure
  • Associating with undesirable peers
  • Filling a void that is in their lives
• The problem, however, is that there are laws/constraints concerning the drug supply
  • So people seek ways to avoid the laws/constraints

For many individuals, since scarcity exists, they seek that which is the most available…what is accessible and easy to get their hands on.  Is it any wonder then that people get high by ingesting nutmeg or abusing what is in the medicine cabinet, get drunk and overdose on over the counter drugs like Nyquil, huff gasoline fumes, or use everyday items to make Crystal Meth?  There are reasons that Sudafed is locked behind the pharmacy counter and you can only buy a limited quantity of batteries at a store.

There are a number of explanations for why consumers try products, but what is obviously different about drugs is that they alter reality, but after that initial experience, the, “first time” can never be regained, so new drugs are abused to regain that high.  A current cultural trend is to see chemical drugs, taken from what is not illegal, but made into something that alters reality and provides a new experience.

The data we keep here at the Paul Anderson Youth Home reinforces the drug trends and the age that usage occurs. During the last 10 years, our young men have gone from mainly abusing alcohol and marijuana in their later teenage years, to using prescription drugs like Oxycontin, Ritalin, and Vicodin at earlier ages.  These are our current statistics for when drug usage begins:

• 82% by age 14
• 63% by age 13
• 44% by age 12
• 10% by age 10
  • (Our youngest drug use occurred at age 7)

The supply is available at earlier ages, and what is being supplied is different than it used to be.  For most of our young men, while the first drug remains marijuana, the escalation moves very quickly from there to what is most available or what can be supplied with the least resistance like cough syrup and prescription drugs.

Could the contents of your medicine cabinet or your neighbors’ be ways that a child could get high?   Look at what is around your home, change your perspective on what is being abused.  As Tolkien said, “the world outside has not become less real just because the prisoner cannot see it.”