Is marriage passé?  In a January 14, 2011 article Natalie Portman, unusually successful as both a child and adult actress, revealed her latest view on marriage. Apparently, many young women are taking her advice. Portman told a reporter that the reason she was drawn to her latest movie, “No Strings Attached,” was because the main character whom she plays “was simply seeking a no-romance bed buddy as opposed to the whole nine yards.” Portman said, “Emma (the main character) wants a relationship without the relationship. She just wants the sex. It’s unusual but funny. I love romantic comedies, but I’m tired of seeing girls who want to get married all the time and that’s all they’re interested in. I think there is a wider vision of how women can conduct their lives and what they want.” Normally, I wouldn’t give a plug nickel for views on the institution of marriage from “experts” like Natalie Portman. The problem is she is a “role model” for many young girls and women who think emulating her will lead to happiness. The rapidly rising rate of suicide among teenage girls, the increasing failure of married and unmarried relationships, and an epidemic of emotionally scarred and broken people seems to point to a paucity of happiness in spite of piles of propaganda to the contrary.

It is worth noting that Portman displayed some values in her earlier acting career refusing to play parts where nudity or sex was expected, and turned down acting in films like Lolita, denouncing sex between young girls and adult men. Apparently, her life in acting has had an eroding influence on her once-held values. The Scripture verses above seem very passé, even glaringly offensive in present culture; a culture that has invaded even the church. Most turn a blind eye in this day and age to young people living together in the days, months, and years before marriage, and many more who never bother to “get to the altar.”

Is marriage passé today? Does it have any value in a “modern” world? Or is God just the Grinch who stole Christmas in commanding that a man and a woman reserve sexual relations for marriage, and ought to honor the marriage bed by being faithful to one another? The prevalent spin of the world and its puffed-up “wisdom” says God is hopelessly wrong. The blatant evidence of the wounded society in which we live and the scattered carcasses of individual lives, shattered relationships, and damaged children says He is right. It is not that God is throwing cold water on “fun,” His purpose is to save what is lost; to heal and restore what is being destroyed; to inculcate what alone will result in happiness that lasts.  Portman will live to rue the day she said, “I think you can find both men and women that are into non-emotional relationships, because you get hurt, and you don’t want to invest emotions in that way again”; especially the day she is in love herself (emotionally, passionately; Is there any other kind?) and someone stomps on her heart because they now want an un-emotional relationship with her. Natalie, your philosophy simply doesn’t hold water and is not worth a cup of warm spit.

Marriage will never be passé for those who not only believe God, but discover the joy of walking in His commands. The individual glory of a man or a woman whom God calls into the covenant of marriage is discovered in the intimate happiness of that union and in bringing forth godly children. This is exactly what God declares in Malachi 2 and in many other passages of the Bible. Say what you will till the cows come home, His way produces gold and silver; Natalie Portman’s, filthy rags.

While this is a generalization and there are always exceptions to the rule, in most cases, athletes and celebrities are self-consumed and focused on a singular goal: success.  Little gets in the way as they hone their craft, working diligently, over and over to become better.  Though a strong work ethic is more than admirable, and developing discipline is a necessary part of growing older, holding celebrities and athletes to this high standard of being a role model is not practical.  More than that, it raises the question of why we choose those who are famous to be role models.  Is it because they are celebrated, have reached a higher social status, or is it because they have qualities, and character attributes that we want to emulate?

The problem for us is that those we most often aspire to be like are usually from a different socio economic level.  Unfortunately, the wealth that we observe among well known athletes and Hollywood idols has significant influence on who we would most like to be.  Someone who is wealthy, or is well known, does not by default mean they are people after whom we should model our lives.  In fact, when our definition becomes mostly about what we aspire to have and not who we ultimately want to be, the role model we have set before us is ourselves.

Of late, we as parents have failed to teach our children what a real role model looks like. 

A real role model:
1.   has qualities that we would like to have or keep.
2.   is someone who we aspire to be like and is noticeable for how they live their lives.
3.   Impacts us and makes us want to be better people.

So what are you going to do and what example are you following?  Do they align?  If these are not just words, then here are some steps to being a role model for your children and others.

Step one:  Know who you are. That means you will want to have friends who are not pretending to be something they are not.

Step two:  Be unique.  It is more than fine to be different.  That does not mean being different just for the sake of being different.  Instead it is being comfortable with who you are.  One of the most liberating moments in life is when you come to grips with your own weaknesses and you are okay with that.

Step three:  Be kind and focused more on others than yourself.  Learn how to give credit to others and notice the example they set.  Live in such a way that your life can be seen and respected so that it may be said of you: “who can argue with a life so well lived!”

“Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.” Genesis 37:2 

Application:

Robert Tate, 17 years old, wasn’t ever going to snitch—not even when it came to his own murder, according to the Chicago Police.  This young man had been shot in the chest as someone approached him on a West Side sidewalk just 10 days ago. The first policeman on the scene seeing he probably wasn’t going to make it, asked him: “Do you know who shot you?” “I know,” Tate told him. “But I ain’t telling you (expletive)!” He died on the sidewalk as paramedics tried to save him. (Chicago Sun Times, April 20, 2010)

This young man had been in and out of school, in and out of the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center, and as a teenager already had 14 arrests for drugs, weapons, and car theft. His motto, as is the motto of the gang members in his “hood” is “snitches get stitches;” apparently they also get killed even when they don’t snitch, while their committed silence paves the way to the ruin and demise of their “buddies.” This attitude about snitching pervades the society up and down the socio-economic scale, especially among the younger generation; and it is a sacred “law” with those who have little regard for the rule of Law. The young men who come to the PAYH are at first extremely committed to not snitching on any of their peers, even when such silence never leads in the long run to anything positive or beneficial for anyone. So why does “snitching” have such a bad reputation with so many?

Even a teenager with Joseph’s integrity and mature godly character comes in for harsh treatment by modern Bible scholars, including evangelicals, for being a “bratty tattletale,” as they call him. The action so often called snitching is so disliked and misunderstood that it is labeled with a word we think of in very derogatory terms. By the way, I believe their exegesis concerning Joseph is atrocious in this regard. This young man of 17 was loved by his father not so much because he was born to him and his beloved wife Rachel in his old age, but because Joseph was a son who behaved with “old age” as a youth; that is, he was mature beyond his years. Such maturity showed itself in the way he honored his father with his obedience. When his father Jacob (Israel) foolishly placed him between a “rock and a hard place” by sending him to bring back a report on his brothers’ behavior, what was Joseph supposed to do? Many have implied by their criticism of the young man that he should have lied and given his father a false report. In other words do not be a tattletale; at the very least “candy-coat” the “truth.” 

If you study the entire history of Joseph in Genesis 37-50 you will see that in the end it is well proven that all along it was Joseph who truly loved his brothers with his behavior and in his obedience to his father, Israel; but especially in his obedience to his Father, God. He believed his dreams to be the very word of God (which they were), and though his brothers and parents would find this word from God offensive to their ears (obviously because of their pride, seeing every word absolutely came to pass) he would not remain silent in revealing it out of obedience to his heavenly Father.  Joseph is perhaps the most Christ-like figure in the Old Testament.

To snitch or not to snitch is never the question of importance. Loving God and loving our neighbor is! If we love the Lord we will hold fast to the truth while at the same time loving our neighbor as we would love ourselves. Both of those loves must always be in sync.  If they are not, both are out of whack and not really love at all. We do NOT love our neighbor if we allow him in our unloving silence to continue down a path not for his good in the eyes of God. It always takes real courage to “Speak the truth in love” directly to a brother or sister. (Ephesians 4:15) But it is what real love is all about.

Encouragement:

“Let thy love my heart inflame; Keep thy fear before my sight; Be thy praise my highest aim; Be thy smile my chief delight, Be thy smile my chief delight.”

(Verse 2 of Ralph Wardlaw’s hymn, “Christ of All My Hopes The Ground”, 1817)

Withdrawal

Withdrawal symptoms for marijuana are protracted over weeks and are similar to those experienced by people who quit cigarettes, alcohol and other drugs. Recent research found that nearly two-thirds of marijuana users experience a pronounced withdrawal syndrome. Symptoms include anxiety, irritability, depression, mood swings and sleep problems, and for some, bizarre and colorful dreams.

As a result, the acute symptoms of marijuana withdrawal cause significant distress and can last up to two weeks. Long-term symptoms, which include anxiety, anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure), fatigue, memory problems and boredom can last for several months. As a result early recovery is like roller-coaster ride and marred by frequent relapse.

When I first quit smoking weed I felt depressed and agitated for about a week. Then I was just bored and restless most of the         time. I made myself do some positive things, but life just seemed “blah”, like watching black and white television. So I smoked         some weed, and for a few hours, the color came back on and life became interesting again.

Restlessness, boredom and just feeling “blah” are normal in the early stages of recovery. It takes a little time for the brain to recover and for the color to come back on—but it does come back.  However, restlessness and boredom are significant relapse triggers.

What to Do

• Commit to a recovery program. In early recovery you wont always “feel” like gong to a 12-step meeting or support group —go anyway. In early recovery, good feelings follow right actions.

• Be accountable. Talk with trusted others about your recovery on a regular basis. This can be 1 or two supportive friends, clergy or 12-step sponsor. Make plans to meet regularly or have regular telephone contact.

• Establish daily discipline and routines. Decide what time you will rise and go to bed each day. Schedule your daytime activities, family times, sleep times, recreation and quiet times, as well as your daily 12 step meetings.
• If you still can’t quit, get into a treatment program. Your family doctor can direct you.

Recovery from marijuana dependence is a difficult process. It takes time to feel better. Establishing daily discipline and accountability will help you stay on track. Remember the good feelings derived from recovery are not instant. But unlike the temporary highs of addiction, the rewards can last a lifetime.

Written by Dr. Drew Edwards. All rights reserved

Anderson’s Applications:
Mountains attract me. They are majestic, glorious, mysterious, yet beckoning; like other parts of God’s creation, they speak of His nature, majesty and power. The Psalmist said, “I lift up my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2) But for anyone who has hiked in the mountains or climbed peaks, mountains can fool you. Zebulon Pike was fooled by the peak that bears his name. Looking from a distance he thought he could reach the base, scale the summit, and return in a few days. He not only returned many days later, but failed to reach the top of Pikes Peak, struggling for several days in waist deep snow without food.

Nearly two centuries later in the Sangre de Cristo Range in Colorado, I led some high school young people up 14,000 foot Horn Peak during a Youth Leadership Conference I was directing. One of the young male counselors of whom I thought highly was leading a group behind us. Though they started later, he thought they might be able to catch up with us and made the unfortunate decision to try a “short cut.” If you do not know where you are going in the mountains, short cuts are disastrous. Four thickly forested ridges and rugged gulches many hours later, the exhausted young people and leader were totally discouraged, and sadly no closer to the peak toward which he was convinced he was making a “beeline.” Only they weren’t bees. In the meantime we had crested the summit, returned to camp, and I was worried about our missing hikers. As I was about to send out search parties, the bedraggled crew struggled in, putting my fears for their safety to rest. I knew where I was going; having climbed this peak numerous times since I was a boy. He did not.

What are we praying when we ask God to not lead us into temptation? The Bible tells us clearly that God does not tempt us to sin: “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.”(James 1:13-14) Pretty serious words with bad implications! So what are we asking from God when we pray, “Lead us not into temptation?” Precisely, that God keep us from being led, enticed, cajoled, seduced into any situation or circumstance where we are certain to be overcome by temptation; a situation from which we cannot escape due to our weakness. Our real problem is the same as that of the two men above: we seriously overestimate our ability, in this case, to resist evil or the evil one; and, we underestimate the great difficulty of situations we assume we can overcome. So we not only are neither quick nor faithful to pray this prayer, we are not genuinely convinced of the need for it!

Maybe C.S. Lewis can help us grasp it: “Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. . . A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means–the only complete realist!” (Mere Christianity) This Realist is the One who instructs you and me to pray, “Lead us not into temptation.” He knows far better than us how powerful and evil temptation and sin are. We would do well to pay heed to His words.

Encouragement:
“Today, Lord, keep me from those temptations and sins which separate me from You. Do not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear.”

• Frequent use of the Internet to visit sexually oriented sites
• Binging—hours spent surfing the net or engaged in online sexual activity
• Preoccupied with thoughts of “getting online”, or of sexual behavior
• Sexual behavior interferes with work, school, family, hobbies, etc…
• Anxiety and irritability when unable to get online.
• Telling your self that you should cut down, or stop altogether
• Experiencing guilt, remorse and shame
• Become defensive when others suggest that you spend too much time on the Internet
• Spending money on internet porn
• Continued consumption of porn despite negative consequences

Pornography is not real. The more one uses porn to gratify themselves, the greater the chance that they will never find true intimacy and real love.

If you need help talk with a trusted friend, parent, or clergy. You cannot do it alone.

• excessive concern within the family with outward appearances, including body shape and weight
• parental focus on perfection and performance; harsh criticism for mistakes and inappropriate ways of dealing with conflict
• family history of sexual abuse
• strained relationship between husband and wife
• arbitrary role boundaries where children are encouraged to act more responsible than their age should permit and to take on roles or responsibilities for which they are psychologically ill-prepared

Medical complications

The physical complications associated with anorexia nervosa are potentially life-threatening. Damage to vital organs as a result of dehydration and malnutrition can result in:

• low blood pressure
• electrolyte imbalance
• cardiac arrhythmias
• thyroid gland deficiencies which can lead to cold intolerance and constipation
• appearance of fine baby-like body hair (lanugo)
• bloating or edema
• decrease in white blood cells, which leads to increased susceptibility to infection
• osteoporosis
• tooth erosion and decay from malnutrition and self-induced vomiting
• seizures related to fluid shifts due to excessive diarrhea or vomiting

The course and outcome of anorexia vary. Catching it in the early stages is associated with better treatment outcomes. Affirming our daughters true beauty and unconditional worth is both the best medicine and prevention.

If you think your daughter has anorexia talk with your child’s pediatrician, or your family doctor. They can assist you in finding a qualified mental health professional.

Anorexia Nervosa is a chronic, potentially life-threatening eating disorder. It is characterized by deliberate restriction of calories to the point of starvation. Anorexia usually begins at during puberty. Over a lifetime it will affect 1-2 percent of females in the US. Anorexia is most common among adolescent girls and young women, athletes, actors, dancers, models and media personalities.

Teens with anorexia are obsessed with their body weight and shape, fat distribution, dress size, food and calories, and have a pathologically distorted body image. In short they look in their mirror and see a fat girl when we see a sickly emaciated child. Symptoms include:

• restriction of calories to maintain a body weight that is less than 85 percent of the individual’s normal healthy weight. For example if a14 year-old girl’s normal, healthy body weight were 100 pounds, her anorexic weight would be an emaciated 85 pounds or less.
• obsessive preoccupation with body weight and intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat
• grossly distorted body image resulting in severe psychological and emotional impact on how one sees and values herself
• absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles (amenorrhea)

Types of anorexia

There are two types of anorexia nervosa, the restricting type and the binge-eating/purging type. Binge eating and purging behavior is defined as self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas and excessive exercise. In both types the symptoms are driven by fear of weight gain. Restrictive types do not binge or purge.

Causes of anorexia

Anorexia is a poorly understood, multifaceted disease; the exact cause or causes are unknown and are likely caused by several factors including genetics, personality type, family environment and brain biochemistry.

Scientists have found that the neurotransmitters (brain chemical messengers) serotonin and norepinephrine are frequently decreased in patients with anorexia in much the same way as individuals with depression.

Common personality traits among those with anorexia include low self-esteem, obsessive tendencies and perfectionism. Those with anorexia tend to be very driven to succeed in academics and sports, while never satisfied with themselves or their performance. This hidden low self-esteem is pathologically tied to their appearance and body image.

 

Your first time was meant to be special with someone you love. If you are a virgin, don’t settle for sex when you really want love. If you have already had sex and regret it. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t add to your regret by continuing to drink and hook up. You are worth more than that.